Holidays

Finally, I am home! 

Yeah, 

a house with 

no worries, 

no burden, 

no stress & 

no conflicts! 

It gives me

time to reflect, 

space to breath, 

joy to forget, 

laugh to relax & 

food to enjoy! 

After Exam! :)

Yessss!!! Finally the exam is over! Hopefully everyone can pass the exam, nor matter high marks or just merely pass, as long as a pass will do. Please. Personally, I find this semester we all went through it toughly and throughout the way, accepts all the challenges, obstacles, hardships, conflicts, mini quarrels and etc. However, it makes us grow stronger and more perseverance. We survive! We stay strong and healthy! It is not a PAINLESS semester!!! 

So great to heard that we only need to sit for 3 papers next semester: TSL, EDU and PSV. Yeah! However, as everyone can foresee, it will be a super duper hard semester. It will even tougher that this sem. Got so so so many things to do in those 15 weeks. Wao....

We gonna to perform a children drama "The rooster that went to his uncle birthday party". This is gonna be a big and grand dramatization, as demand by Madam Angie. From the way she planned it, it required lots of efforts and of course time! We are not going to have any peaceful weekend next semester. It gonna be big as she has allocated / estimated Rm 10 thousands for this drama...Dont play-play o...A simple rooster children drama that can take up 10 thousands!! No kidding and no fooling around thingy. 

Besides, I really planned to take up the KRS course! The one that you can upgrade from Leftenan Muda to Leftenan. It gonna be cool. I know I'm not so good in kawat, but I love it. I make me look smart! hahaha...:) 

And of course, Practicum. A practicum that have haunted everyone, every single soul in our class...we are not prepared yet. and one more, our kurikulum, we gonna have olahraga next semester with madam puspa and....with this body (not the body body actually, but something else), i really can't run la..hopefully, she can excuse me on the running part. I can join if it doesn't involved running and jumping. Pls!!! :( 

OMG, it is holiday time...why la i write some many worries about next semester??? we just about to start the holidays la, pls dont spoil the mood. Ok ok, some thinking / ideas are made throughout this semester. 

By the end of this holidays, xiao yen should be able to: 

1. Spend time with my family. Maybe some vacation or picnic! 

2. Go to serikin to buy a backpack again. This time, i want a striking colour, maybe red or orange. 

3. Enjoy my Penang trip. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. Do not add on any conflicts anymore pls. Hope to mend the broken relationship. Glue the pieces of relationship back again. 

4. Complete some of the portfolio, especially sem 1 and 2.

5. To be added on, depends on the time and suitability! 

:) 

In front of You!

In front of you,

I fail,

totally fail,

fail to be myself,

fail to show my real truth,

fail to be sincere,

fail to share my thoughts

fail to reveal my inner feelings, &

fail to be a loyal & truthful friend.

However,

In front of you,

I succeed,

completely succeed,

succeed in fakery,

succeed in acting,

succeed to be hypocrite,

succeed in pleasing you, Princess!!!

Holidays and Kuchingaits!

YEAH!!! Another 3 days and of course another 2 tough papers to go! We gonna get the best freedom of 2012 - that is long year end HOLIDAYS!!! First of all, I hope all of us can do well for these two papers, so that we can enjoy our holidays with no anxiety and worries!!! Pls...Pls...Pls...Grammar and PSV Pls be good to us! 

Another 5 days (OMG, Less than a week) , i gonna stay "permanently" at home!!! YEAH! YES! But most of the people will say "cheh, why are u so happy? You r Kuchingait ba, you  go back almost every weekend. Not like us, can only go back once or twice a semester!" 

Yes, exactly, these are the remarks that I always gained when i talked about my excitement for holidays. Thus, I learn my lesson, i seldom talk about it in front of those non-kuchingait people. I only can show my happiness in front of a few people, like fiona and michelle. 

Yes, i can't deny that I'm blessed to enter Batu Lintang instead of any institute in peninsular or even sabah. I can go back every weekend. Ya, this is my luck! I really appreciate that! But did anyone see the worries that we faced as Kuchingaits staying in the hostel. 

Every time, before holidays or during holiday, we have to endure the worries that the wardens gonna called up to ask you to stay out! Bcoz not enough rooms! We have come out with plenty of reasons to persuade them. 

Some more, bcoz we are Kuchingaits, we can't "stand straight" in front of the wardens, especially that 2 scary women, Rosita and Madihah. We have to please them and be super polite when talk to them. Can't even raise up our voice! and even she ejek or criticize or talk sarcastically about us, we can only SHUT UP and say nothing! 

And for those who have cars, we can't even drive our car safely and confidently if we happened to see them (wardens). We might take the risk to be asked to stay out because we have cars! Stupid! what kind of reason... for those who are from other places but have cars, they are safe, they will not be asked to stay out bcoz they are not from here. Nobody ever consider what we Kuchingait faced! 

You thought we so senang-senang can go back home, is it??? Asking signatures from wardens is another problem. If you ask for signature every week, they will sindir you, saying that "Dapat juga balik tiap-tiap minggu. Kalau suruh tinggal luar, kata rumah jauh pula!". If tidak minta signature, kena tangkap, first one la we kena chase out form the hostel!!! 

Not enough room, we have to stay 3 persons in a room. But this, i have no complain on this. As long as I can stay in, I appreciate oD... I don't have a say like others that complain of being too pack and no space! We just can't! 

p/s: i really do not direct this post to anyone. I just wrote down what we faced all this while. 

Distance!

This would probably my last entry before I sit for my exam. 

What happen to us? I seriously feel that you are no longer in my first page of life in my heart. In directly, I have decreased your rank in my list. Your position is no longer there anymore. I feel like you are just a normal friend to me. 

Just normal, nothing special anymore. 

 I don't know why...When I'm alone, I think a lot. I think of us for this semester. But flipping through those memories, I can hardly find a wonderful memories together. Most of the memories are "not good", bad or terrible memories. The more i think, the more bad side of you revealed. 

Your selfishness, your attitudes, your remarks and your actions. 

Sometimes, I just can't stand it. I really can't! Sometimes, I really stressed out because of you. Your carelessness and your ego and your sensitiveness! Most of the time, I need someone to share these problems with me. But if i tell others, what will they think? Will they believe? Other might think that I am an evil and hypocrite friend that I talk bad of you...things happen and Only me know! The HELPLESSNESS that I have to face most of time! 

The sadness, the furious-ness, the angry-ness, the sorrow and the pain! 

Luckily this semester is coming to an end soon, if not, I really don't know how to face you every day.  The distance that get wider and wider. The conversation that getting more and more general. The action that getting less and less intimate. The smile and laugh that getting more and more fake. You make me Learn to act, talk, smile and laugh hypocritically. 

  

I learn to play my role well, though sometime, 

there are loop holes here and there! 

But what is yours? Did you make an effort? 

p/s: I'm not in the condition of emo! This is true, true for me! 

Excited!

Exam is coming soon. And well, as usual, I am not well prepared yet. So many to read yet so little time left for us. Worried, Nervous and Anxiety! But some how, i get excited! Abnormal ha! ya, I did looked forward for this exam! First, it is because after the suffering of 2 weeks, then, we are ready for our Penang trip. The first time travelling alone without any accompany by family members. Excited! Besides, I am excited that i am going to see him again throughout the weeks! Struggling together! haha, yeah! :) 

Quarrel

Two people quarrel, 
The first one to say sorry
Doesn't mean he/she 
Give Up, 
Surrender,
Give In, or, 
Forgive. 

But, 
He/she appreciates &
cherishes the relationship more than the other. 

Annual dinner 2012

Annual Dinner 2012 

Theme: Walk down memory lane 

Attire: Black & white 

Reflection: 

Somehow, I like this annual dinner, although I didn't buy a new black dress, didn't slim down, didn't do my hair as planned and haven found my "partner" yet...But i still enjoy my wonderful night with my awesome classmates. I took lots of pictures with them, no matter in the hall, outside the hall or in the toilet. :) :) I also "cuci mata" by looking at the people wearing nice nice dresses. I also saw "him", just sat somewhere nearby...haha...The only disappointed part is that we didn't manage to take a class photo. :( 

So-called-class-photo. Actually..is The "Leftover" 

Ladies in black

with Mr. Why Me

Babydolls....where?...eee...in the toilet. 

I look obviously short . haha. 

with mimi :) 

err...no name for this grp...how abt...

"the happy swimming team"

The powerful number ONE

A powerful number: ONE 1

One....
One tree can start a forest
One smile can begin a friendship
One hand can lift a soul
One word can frame the goal
One candle can wipe out darkness
One laugh can conquer gloom
One hope can rise your spirit
One touch can show you care
One life can make the difference
Be the ONE today.

But on the converse side of the coin
One bunch of individualists can wipe away the entire forest
One lie can ruin a thousand truths in any friendship
One wrong hand can lead to endless massacres
One sharp tongue can scar the feelings of another person
One candle can burn down the entire house
One laugh may be perceived as sarcasm even with the best intentions
One hope can be crushed easily by circumstances
One touch of kindness may be wrongly accused of ulterior motives
One life can be put to an end within a split second

One teacher can make a difference, but,
One teacher who fails to teach can ruin the pupil's entire life.

Clear Up

It is rather a joyful day. Not because we went to the Spring, eat the Foochow mee that i have been missing for a month, tapao KFC and try on tasty pretzels, but clear up my problems. Talking about my problems with miley for a few hours last night really made me feel better (although i didn't tell her everything) and listening opposite point of view from michelle clear up the problem. 

Really appreciate and thankful to my friends for taking the problem seriously. It is rather touching to have friends like these, who make the efforts to clear up the conflict. Thank Q so much. May be i have been overacting throughout the problem, do apologize me. 

Just my simple thought: How abt my closest friend? She basically ignored me o...acted like nothing happened yesterday. & the first msg she texted me after the conflict is just regarding mrs Lim's task. :( 

OMG...extremely headache after crying...huhu. :( 

Bad Weekend!

What i gonna say is - this is really a BAD WEEKEND for me.  

BAD! WORSE! & HORRIBLE! 

U never know what i did for the Saturday morning since 3 a.m while everyone was sleep like a pig? I woke up with a few unknown juniors figured out how to solve the blackout problem. No electricity. And i have to dig out a screw driver in the darkness just to open the electricity box. And the bogok person who knew that her plug was the one that caused the blackout for the whole Santubong still insisted to turn it on. Turn it on over and over. And since 6 am in the morning, I have to woke up at least twice in an hour just to help everyone to turn it on. In only 3 hours (6 a.m to 9 a.m ), i have been walking up and down more that 5 times and this is tiring..ok? 

and then, with the tired and not-so-good-sleep's spirit and body, I received Danny's text saying that he will perform soon. The first contestant has performed and he will be the forth one. I only have two-performance time to get ready? What the hell is that. But i really tried my best to rush there. But it is too late. U have performed. What else i can do? I sat there, listening to those songs and watching the performances from those juniors who i DON"T EVEN KNOW OF k.. For what? i really don't know. I texted u telling u that i'm at Taza but sorry that i miss the performance. But u don't even care to text me back. So end up i sat there for more than a hour until the photo-taking time... and for all the time, I'm ALONE! And then, u blame that not even one came for it, that means including me la u blame. It really hurts u know? How stupid  i am sitting there for an hour without been appreciated..and in return, being blamed some more. REALLY STUPID OF ME! 

And now the photo shot at the museum. U think i don't know that everyone is hot and sweating is it? i know..what u guys want is just get over the photo shot and eat ice kacang. i though it is a very good time for us, babydolls to take pictures together...since everyone is wearing to nice. Kind of like a pre-photo-shot before the real photo shot at the year end...shouldn't we grasp the opportunity? but i really see no interest in everyone..ya ya...we did take picture together. The one before rush to the ice kacang stall. The same place and same pose and same prop. Whatever! 

And lastly, before we came back to institut...i am not angry actually but i feel rather disappointed. Is it so hard for u to just shout at me and say "Yen, we wait for u at the car ya!", or , "Yen, let's go back, our clothes are drying outside"...I was like the one left behind without knowing anything until si wan told me....or may be i'm the stupid one for forgetting that u guys' clothes are actually outside and it is about to rain soon. Or i'm the insensitive one that i don't even realize that u guys are no longer there. :( 

p/s: I know i shld complain a lot, but i just can't stand it. the only way for me to express. 

White keys, Black keys!

How come all i can see now is all BLACK keys? 

Where are my white keys?

Go go go away assignments. you have stolen all my white keys :)

Hey you!

Hey you! Can u stop telling me all yr latest updates? I am really tired of listening to all those unconcern gossips and YOUR-PERSONAL-REAL-LIFE-RELATIONSHIP...y me? y me? did i show so much enthusiasm and excitement when u r telling yr story....may be at the beginning...when i am still innocent...like...emmm....during foundation. ya...i might be interested... but now..i am TIRED of it. 

I am tired of hearing those story abt making l***/s** with this and that la...a few time sharing yr experiences is enough k...no need to updates me all those guys...i don't even know them and really i don't CARE...and pls la...& u keep changing...how am i going to remember their names...i feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable when listening to all those, but then u tell us proudly. Not that i am too conservative or sensitive on these kind of topics, but that are too much.

U make me feel so bad every time listening to yr gossip. U tell us about others' SECRET. Others trust u and thought u will never vomit it out to anyone. But now clearly, u tell everyone everyone's secret. & I wonder what u talk about me behind my back..haha....This is very bad u know. U make it like a story telling session. The audiences, the more the merrier. Pls la...filter what u want to tell la...and the secrets of most of the juniors, i am really not interested. I not even know them...haizzz....and i will always be super careful when telling u smthg!

It can not be denied that some of the gossips and updates really act as an entertainment for us. But without it, it is still all right, we can still live happily. :) 

p/s: Sorry, I really don't mean to talk bad abt u...but..i just think it is not right to talk behind others abt their gossips. really!

Photos :)

Camping BIG

Hey...we came back from the camping safely. This is the first time that I enjoyed my camping with friends. This is the first time that I don't feel like coming back to this institute. I want to stay there. Becoz I know the life after that will be a disaster, an earthquake or even a Tsunami that eventually kill all of us at the same time.

This camping required us to stay 3 days 2 night with our foster family. 3 in a family. And the worse thing is we can't choose our partners. in my group, there are liana and si akma. at first, i thought i am going to die la..staying 2 night with them, (especially si akma) without any conversation or waht. But it turn out rather fun. I get to know them. Si akma is actually not as scare-ly as I thought. She is actually kinda friendly though. And of cause si liana yang humble. She stressed out on the last night when our family turned out to know si wan is her bf. The kids were kept asking her. And the mama also. But the blame should go to si wan. he make it so obvious that her turn to look at si liana at least twice in a minute. haha...that is really a clingy bf no. 5...haha.... :)

Back to my faster family, they are not a rich family but ok-ok lo. Their house remind me of my Kpg. It is almost the same. I miss the life there. :( My mama and papa are very friendly but they are not talkative. Most of the time, there are some awkward moments when nobody talks. I am like squeezing my brain to think of something to talk about...but tiring lo...But i still like them. On the first day itself, mama and papa brought us Serian to have a walk, and promise to bring us to sawah or ranchan pool if we come back early for the next day...but sadly we came back ard 7 p.m. on the 2nd day...obviously we missed the chance.

*sleepy mood now....to be continue.:)

Holidays and post-holidays

This will be my last entry before i am off for a camping 2moro. It would be better for u not to read this entry as i will talk about so many things that are rather not important to u...haha...

First of all, i officially declared that i wasted my 2 weeks holiday. yeah, you think...this is not the first time, i always wasted my holidays doing nothing, but sleep, eat and watch dramas. Almost every morning i woke up at least 10 a.m. Get myself clean up, and have my brief breakfast, and sit in front of TV (astro) sharp at 1130-1230.  1230, i will have my lunch lagi. and go back to my seat at 1 p.m again. at 2 o'clock, i will rush back to the back (another TV- Palabola), watching Korean drama until 545. at 6-7, there is another drama at astro. haha...this is how i spend my afternoon and evening everyday...and late at night, i will watch series on my laptop while doing my assignments (kononnya)...And usually fall asleep at 3 a.m...but so far, the assignments that i have completed during the holidays are the angry bird's reflection and report and PBS portfolio. That all. 

Then, i have my most pathetic birthday. I purposely hide my birth date on FB to test how many people are really care and remember my birthday. As expected, ya...only a few people remember. The first person who wished me birthday is Michelle, then, Emily and finally Miley. And also Fiona who gave me a birthday card and present this morning. Thank Q so much to them. & my family pula wished me the next day....And....Mas and the rest did not wish me at all...ya la ya la...may be they are busy...or who am I la for them to remember my birthday right. so, (breath in deeply), ya, it is ok. I Don't want to care about it anymore la...:( 

Anyways, i want to share the song Michelle made for me: 

Original tune: This is my song for you 

Happy Birthday my dear, 

my wish to you, 

long lasting happiness i wish to you, 

may you get what you want, 

may god bless you! 

And now, i am preparing for the BIG program 2moro. It is a 3 days 2 nights trip to SMK Tarat, Serian. We will be staying with foster family. Honestly, i am rather worried as one of my partner is Akma. She is scary to me...huhu... Never mind, take this as a new experience and a challenge. hehe...Hopefully the school and the family will treat us nicely. And pray for everyone's safety throughout the journey. 

August Plan

Yeah...End of PBS and my holidays, my August holidays is coming. I should be happy and enjoy myself for the whole week, becoz i know i got plenty of works to complete after this week. I can't imagine how busy we will be after the holidays. Busy with the assignments, BIG and KRS Camping some more. tsskkkk....it will be super duper hectic.

Thus, there are a few things that i want to do during this holidays. 
1. I want to MUST learn driving. It has been a year (i guess) that i have not drive a car. in this one week, i must learn to drive, not only at our housing, but at least to 7th or 10 miles. Wish me luck! 

2. I must complete some of the assignments. now, in my target are the EDU assignment (those summaries for assure model) and writing lesson plan. though i don't have any idea how a writing lesson plan look like, as Miss Yus never teach / show us any of it. but i need to work on it. as least a draft will do. 

well...let me think....what else i want to do....emmmm.....

3. How about swimming again? haha....this is my favourite...i want to go to kompleks sukan again next week...may be wednesday? this time with my brother, sister and mother i guess. 

Celebration

     It is a happy day...that we have done with our micro-teaching without any "terrible, horrible, bad" bombard from Mrs Lim. She just pointed out certain things that we are not aware of during the presentation. 

     After that, we went for a simple celebration at the spring. the main purpose was to celebrate Miley and Michelle's 3rd anniversary. Although it was just a small secret recipe's cake, but it brought us lots of fun and joy. we enjoyed taking pictures together, don't even care what others think about us at the moment. All we have are just the memorable moment together. Though i have a conflict with mas yesterday (more to personal conflict), but it was all been freezed out so that i wouldn't spoil the joyful environment. 

Don't you think it look like a family photo?

Olympic

God, Please help Dato Lee to win the match today. He really works hard throughout his badminton life. Please let him win the First Gold Medal for Malaysia. Let him makes Malaysia proud and shine at the Olympic. He is our hope, Our Star!

Tired of answering!

You know what....I really hate to receive your messages recently. 

Tired of your messages. 

Traumatize with your message. 

Stressful when receiving your message. 

Exhausted in reply your message. 

Lazy to reply your message. 

There is no fun, no spark, no joy in our conversation. All it is just boredom. BOREDOM!

     Everytime, when i saw yr name poop up on my phone, i can already guess what is it. The first question is always "what are you doing there?" why must u ask me what am i doing now. just tell me what do you want me to do for u. Do i need to report what i am doing for the moment. I really dont know why i really really hate this question. not only tired of answering the question but also wasting credit. then, i will reply nothing...just watching movie, Fb-ing, about to sleep or bla bla bla. (without emotion). why why why? why i feel stressful everything messaging with you? 


     All we talked about is homework, assignment, and all those issues that i have talked about since foundation...such as sleepy la...tired la...can't concentrate la....go HK la...those boring topics....it doesn't mean i don't like you in person. i just feel that we have no much things to talk about in the message. maybe face to face, it is ok. abt assignment, of course it is important to discuss about it. But can you be less authorise. some time, i felt that i am just your follower. i think everyone in the class will think that i am your parasit. your burden. Seriously NO offence toward her, may be just me myself had changed. 


     Really sometime, i want to tell you my story. You should be the first person I shared my story with. just for example, the story of si Jacob. I really think i have the responsible to tell u becoz we are the closest friend. BUT, i dont know why, the feeling just changed when i want to tell you. I don't have the mood to tell you. I TRIED K. but everytime, i want to tell you something personal, i feel that you are not interested. you seem like more interested to share your story. or link my story to your own experiences and end up the focus is YOU! 


     For example, when i talked about my bobby last time, you pula busy talking about you dog, where you dog jump to bite those clothes, or my mother doesnt allow him to enter la...and bla bla....it is not that i dont want to interupt, but sometime it is too much. 


     At some moment, all i want is listen to me. But most of the time, you give lots of your opinions. and your opinion is try to convince everyone to believe you. as if you r very knowledgeable. this is not what i want. very simple, just listen and give SOME sincere opinions. That all. 

May be these are not her fault at all. May be it is me. 

I AM THE ONE WHO HAVE CHANGED. 

Regret?

REGRET? I think I am not. BIG NO NO! 

     Remember the guy that i mention early? Yup...i texted him on 22nd July...early early in the morning and i TOLD him...i told him that he HAD attracted my attention during form 6..out of so many guys in my school, ST JOSEPH some more...he was the only one that caught my attention. 

He is not handsome, but smart. 

He is not talkative but when he talked, he is humorous. 

     I don"t know what are the special criteria on him that attracted my attention so much. Since form 6 until 22nd July, he was the only guy that I like. Like not love! I never consider other guys though some are smarter, handsomer, cuter or bla bla than him. 

     But i am grad that i finally told him what i felt.It took me 5 years just to express my feelings toward him. I told him bcoz i don't want to regret this for my lifetime. If i didn't tell, i will keep holding to it. and hardly let go. 

Finally....Finally....

     So, now, I officially declare that i am single and available. My heard has a space for someone else to fill in. But, remember, I am not DESPERATE. Just let it be. Don't worry for being single. Becoz I believe in GOD. I believe that He is looking at me and says "I am saving this one for someone special". I believe that he will eventually come one day! 

A Trip to Book Fair

     Just a super short entry today. I went to the book fair again 2day...but with different gang of friends. This time, with mas, danny, jarul, may and mimi! Super Super Happy! Not only found some books that I wanted, but also had some close quality time with the Olivia. I seldom have time with Olivia and never (or seldom) share my private life story with them. Somehow, i trust May may so much that I told her about the messages that I sent to Jacob. Besides Michelle, May is the only person to know about this. Besides, I am glad that May May actually shared her story with me too. haha...and mimi bought a ukulele at Zoso. Hope to see her play a song with that ukulele soon. :) :P 

     I mean the whole trip was very nice. Very Nice that we laughed, talked, joked and teased at each other. I don't feel uncomfortable this time. Was it because no weird and loud noises that they used to be? Is it because Faz was not there? I not sure too. :(

Wishing

I wish one day there is a guy who will do this to me. 

Protect me under the rain! 

Never fear to risk himself to protect me!

Wait for me patiently! 

Waiting for me to come back by his side! 

I will marry that guy that does this to me. :) 

What wrong with Lie

LIE...LIE...LIE...what wrong with lie?  Would u label me as a bad girl if i tell lie? Will your trust on me faded away because i tell lie? not judge too fast...Lying is not necessary a bad thing, right? 


when my mum have a drumstick, she will say "i'm not hungry, u eat it. " 


when there is a good meal, she will say, "i don't like it, u eat it."


when she is sewing my clothes at the midnight, she will say, "i'm not sleepy, go sleep first." 


when it is hot outside and she is having a cup of water, she will give it to me and say, "i'm not thirsty." 


when you are working and wanna give her some pocket money, she will say, "it is ok, i have money, don't worry." 


when you are married and want her to live together with u, she will say, "it is alright, i will not use to the new environment later." 


when she is not feeling well / sick and lying on the bed, she will say, "it is not painful, don't worry." 


these are all the lie that my/you mum tell me/you...is she bad? ...NO, she is wonderful, awesome and grate...so many lies just to make us feel better...so, Don't simply judge a person who tell lie...find out the reason first before you judge! 

Kiasu? Coward? or What?

     What happen to me recently? i really have no idea...last time, since foundation until last semester, i always do last minutes works...if there is a presentation 2moro, i will wait until the last night,,,do it together with mas or my group members...i don't feel worry, i am not scared. & I DON'T CARE!!!

     But now, i am scared! for these few weeks, i always want to do the slides first. i can't wait for my group members to have the discussion the night before? i am worried if the slides are not done, i can't really sleep well, i keep thinking of it....and now, i prefer to it alone. Faster and save more time. I don't like to do it last minute and i hate discussion recently...why why why? how come become so coward?

     For example, for mr t presentation 2moro, after i woke up this morning, i straight away turned on my laptop and started reading the notes. my anxiety increased. and suddenly miley cames to ask for the photos yesterday and realised that i was doing the slides...i told her abt my changes recently..she said it is only MR T ba...why so worry...u r KIASU...am i really become so kiasu? i know that i should be happy fort the positive changes..but i clearly understand that these changes are not intrinsic...it is extrinsic...am i Kiasu? coward? OR i try to impress someone in the class? Did i? if yes, then WHO?
Even myself can't explain these? who else you think can help me? Haizzz :(

阿木 - 有一种爱叫做放手

如果两个人的天堂

象是温馨的墙

囚禁你的梦想

幸福是否象是一扇铁窗

候鸟失去了南方

如果你对天空向往

渴望一双翅膀

放手让你飞翔

你的羽翼不该伴随玫瑰

听从凋谢的时光

浪漫如果变成了牵绊

我愿为你选择回到孤单

缠绵如果变成了锁链

抛开诺言

有一种爱叫做放手

为爱放弃天长地久

我们相守若让你付出所有

让真爱带我走

为爱结束天长地久

我的离去若让你拥有所有

让真爱带我走 说分手

为了你 失去你

狠心扮演伤害你

为了你 离开你

永远不分的离去

Appreciate those who you love and love you!

    The people I think of when I come across these pictures are my classmates. I thought i will think of a guy, a guy that i always think of, but somehow, it is not. i thought of my classmates. Those classmates that attend classes with me, play with me, laugh with me, breakfast/lunch/dinner with me, gossip with me and having tough time with me during camping, assignment and exams or even laugh at me!

   Since i have not introduce my classmates before, let me take this opportunity to talk about them. There r 17 of us. to me, 17 is a very unique number. A prime number can be divided, without a remainder, ONLY by itself and by 1. Thus, our 17 can only be divided by 17 or 1. Therefore, it is like all for one, one for all. *17 for all, all for 17.  IN-DIVIDABLE & INSEPARABLE. 

     17 of us....but splited into 4 main groups...Charlie Angles, Olivia, Babydolls and the boys. Charlie Angles (Agnes, Fiona, Jacq, Vic)...they are the SMART and good students...i guess all of the lectures like them. There the star or the spot light in our class. 

     Olivia are the most active group that i ever encounter. Sometimes, i thought that ME and THEM will never "CLICK"...we are very different...i could have no interaction with them for the whole day..no talking or not even a smile...and sometimes, i also don't know why...that we always caught into so many conflicts...the conflicts that i Don't mean to happen...conflicts about outing, transport, food and bla..bla..bla...but somehow, i know that the class will not be complete without them..my life will not be so colorful without them too...the funny jokes about mimi, the cute and unique words make by may may...this is just so them...despite all the unpleasant memory that we have, i Still LOVE them...the group that i will always remember ! 

To lazy to talk about Babydolls....so, just SKIP k! :) 

      The boys...the 6 of them...jarul, danny, wan, zyarfan, chang and nizam...i guess the class will be super down if there is no jarul, danny and wan...they are just so funny...they have the magic that can cheer me up no matter where and when...even though it is a bad day, especially Monday, they still can make the whole class full with laughter, fun and joy. The funny jarul, the humorous danny and the blur blur wan- just can't live without them....the adorable zyarfan, hardworking chang (even more hardworking than girls) and general-knowledgeable nizam too. :) 

We are the big big family...we are just like siblings...that we fight but some how we will back together to each other again. :) 

Beloved classmates! I don't know how to say it out, i just can't...but deep in my heart, I love them! 

Hopefully our relationship will always be present tense, NO past tense! 

They have made me smile for the past 3 years...so, will will always remember them!

谢谢你！

谢谢你，给我们彼此认识， 相知， 了解的机会。。虽然我们不能成为一对恋人。。。但是我都会永远永远的喜欢你，祝福你。。从2007年直到2012的今天， 我心里最喜欢的人还是你。。。不曾改变过， 不曾动摇过。。很遗憾的我没有勇气告诉你，我喜欢你。不管如何，谢谢你的出现， Jacob Su Chuang Sheng。

祝你一路顺风

我要唱这首歌，他们不让我唱...

那一天知道你要走
我们一句话也没有说
当午夜的钟声敲痛离别的心门
却打不开我深深的沈默
那一天送你送到最后
我们一句话也没有留
当拥挤的月台挤痛送别的人们
却挤不掉我深深的离愁
我知道你有千言你有万语
却不肯说出口
你知道我好担心我好难过
却不敢说出口
当你背上行囊卸下那份荣耀
我只能让眼泪留在心底
面带着微微笑用力的挥挥手
祝你一路顺风
当你踏上月台从此一个人走
我只能深深的祝福你
深深的祝福你最亲爱的朋友
祝你一路顺风

Friendship

According to George Elliot,

"Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
 having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words."

According to C.S Lewis, 

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

Based on my past experiences, friendship in primary school and secondary school, to me, it is just friends that you need at school. some people that studied together, helping each other in homework or revision, somebody you talk to during recess time or free periods, somebody you go with when going to canteen or washroom, and somebody to join with during the celebration visiting. then, after years of school routines, you thought they are your best friends and promise to meet or gather oftenly. Promise to meet every time we have "university break". PROMISE,  ya right. our messages to each other has reduced from daily, then, weekly, monthly, semiyearly and finally annually. therefore, i always have the perception that friends are just someone that you need at that MOMENT! temporarily and not permanent? what you say? 

And NOW, i have 3 very close friends, Mas, Mich and Miley. we have clicked to each other since 2009. 2009-2012. it has been 3 years. We always together, go to class together, walk back together, assignment together, outing together, travelling together, eating together, gossiping together and bla bla. although some time we might quarrel (not exactly quarrel, but just some upset toward certain behaviors, action, words), but we will get back to each other in a short time. 

BUT, will this relationship end up like my previous relationship?  we just need each other for 5 and the half years and that all. will we friends forever? i have asked myself the same question for gazillion times. Countdown for our friendship, another 2 years, will this happen? 

Hopefully NO...hopefully this quadruple friendship will last eternally. Like what ppl say "Friends Forever". Easy to say, hard to maintain. I should have faith in it, isn't is?

Should we fix a day for our friendship? A day to remember our relationship and celebrate it annually. And see how many ANNIVERSARY can we celebrate? Call it a M3P day? haha...

Life without love and friendship is no life at all. A true friend stays like a rock with you in all the ups and downs of your life and helps y

ou to remain calm and composed in all difficult situations. 

Appreciation

I feel like crying every time encounter stories, news, or articles about the contributions of parents or grandparent....looking at how parents, grandparents contribute so so much for their children or grandchildren...how could their love be some great, so kind, so generous and extremely selflessness...people always blame about the slow and weak movement of their old parents, do you ever remember how parents guide us patiently when we're just learning to walk when we're a baby...they protect us from falling and blame themselves every time we fall. Young people also easily feel irritated when parents request to learn computer...parents just learn so slow that sometime we feel irritated...honestly, sometime i feel that too...but thinking back, when i was young, parents teach us to read, write and speak patiently...from zero knowledge of any word until high literacy potential...how patient they are in reading us stories during bedtime although we might not understand the language at all.

Dear Parents...we appreciate that. Thank you!